THREE YEARS AGO, I RECEIVED NEWS THAT WOULD
CHANGE THE WAY I SEE THE WORLD FOREVER.
"Rosalee," my father said one morning, his Grape-Nuts® muffling his low, powerful voice slightly. "Your uncle found out that our side of the family is in the top tenth percentile of the country for representation of Neanderthal DNA."
I blinked hard – twice, maybe three times – before responding, "Oh."
You might be horrified to find out that you're genetically closer to an extinct and oft-mocked species than 90% of Americans. But I was relieved; everything that had ever happened up to that point was starting to make sense.
I was, and always have been, a cavewoman.
I have a big head. No no, yes, thank you but – no, I'm not being modest, I really do have a large skull, physically the circumference is above-average, I mean it, please stop questioning me. Neanderthals' brains grow more from infancy to adulthood than modern humans'. I don't know if that means they end up bigger, or they just start smaller...
Neanderthals were shorter than modern humans but had "robust builds," according to Wikipedia. Meaning "big-boned" is a thing, Grandma.
The point is, I'm special.