THREE YEARS AGO, I RECEIVED NEWS THAT WOULD
CHANGE THE WAY I SEE THE WORLD FOREVER.
"Rosalee," my father said one morning, his Grape-Nuts® muffling his low, powerful voice slightly. "Your uncle found out that our side of the family is in the top tenth percentile of the country for representation of Neanderthal DNA."
I blinked hard – twice, maybe three times – before responding, "Oh."
You might be horrified to find out that you're genetically closer to an extinct and oft-mocked species than 90% of Americans. But I was relieved; everything that had ever happened up to that point was starting to make sense.
I was, and always have been, a cavewoman.
I have a big head. No no, yes, thank you but – no, I'm not being modest, I really do have a large skull, physically the circumference is above-average, I mean it, please stop questioning me. Neanderthals' brains grow more from infancy to adulthood than modern humans'. I don't know if that means they end up bigger, or they just start smaller...
Neanderthals were shorter than modern humans but had "robust builds" according to that incontrovertible source, Wikipedia. Meaning "big-boned" is a thing. (I'm quite tall though, just to be clear.)
The point is, I'm special.